Living Beyond The Label: Level 3 Dreams Come True

A daunting list of goals left no time for activism these last few months, but what a time it’s been! Dreams I once thought lost for me are now amazing realities—and one profound truth stands out: society’s darkest label cannot define us, no matter what we’ve done, or what the “official” record says, unless we give up; unless we fail to pursue our greater selves and visions.

Six years ago my life was a 24-hour nightmare. Forced to stay in a community that had branded me a horrific threat to society, I had been cursed, evicted, fired and attacked. No matter what I did, all the doors closed--no friends anywhere, no work, no shelter, and no effective way to escape the fear and hate at every turn but an alcoholic oblivion. This would have been a solution if it killed me. But it only made the questions harder to fathom: How could I survive with a monster’s identity? Where could I go? What could I do?

Then I saw a place that shifted my perspective—a trashed-out clearing in the forest with an old rotting trailer. At that point any structure looked better than a roadside ditch. But what gave me a sense of peace and security were the monolithic Cedar trees that had somehow escaped the chainsaws—eight-feet wide at the base and older than Abraham Lincoln! The dark slope below these giants was thriving with nature’s shady survivors—sword, wood, and maidenhair ferns, foxglove, huckleberry, blooming white trillium and, twisting across the canopy like sculptures, mossy vine maples searching for the light. Then I heard what had been whispering all along; at the bottom of the slope was a sparkling mountain river!

With a peculiar sense of faith I knocked on the property owner’s door and told him my story. I don’t know why he chose to overlook my frightening label, but when he agreed to rent me the trailer for next to nothing, I took it as a blessing—and an answer. So while the Sheriff’s Department got busy hanging my photo on the streets and contacting my new neighbors with door-to-door warnings, I got busy on a vision.

It’s funny how a meaningful purpose can make the hardest, dirtiest, unpaid work feel like a spiritual practice. Turning old neglect into new respect not only got me back in touch with my creative self-worth, I found myself thinking less and less about public opinions and labels. This was so relieving I just didn’t want to quit! So when the trailer was pristine, I started on the clearing, and when that was like an empty canvass, I began building a garden worthy of a sacred retreat. Maybe I seemed obsessed rolling boulders in the moonlight, but the art of re-creation engaged me completely. This is how part of the Zen Garden turned out.

It was interesting how my landlord started improving his own yard during this time. And when he got a closer look at my progress, he reduced my rent even further! I wondered: was it me doing the restoring, or me being restored? One thing was clear; the magic of these relationships depended on my sobriety. So despite the fear I felt in public, I started going to local meetings, got myself a sponsor, and worked the steps.

It's encouraging that positive news can still travel as fast as the negative. Soon I found myself restoring the garden of a prominent community member. And soon after that I had so much work I needed to hire help. That’s how my landscaping business was born and developed. And that’s how I became financially solvent.

I feared the nightmare was returning when my landlord lost his job and had to sell the property. Moving not only meant losing the place I valued so much, on so many levels, but having my monster label broadcast all over again at the next address—if I could even find one. But this time I stayed sober, and used the tools of the program. And right about the time I decided to create another garden wherever I landed, my landlord proposed a deal instead.

It still seems beyond reason that he would offer to sell me the property for many thousands less than what he paid. But when the deal was signed on March 10th, 2005, he thanked me for helping him; by covering his late payments I had saved him from the stigma of foreclosure!
I was speechless, to say the least. But when the reality of this dream finally sunk in, I realized the way had been cleared for another—so I kept going. Here I am collecting materials for a riverside cabin!

Right from the start county officials told me that a new structure on my property would not be permitted—for a number of reasons. But I didn’t accept No as an answer; not to make problems, but to find creative solutions. And the fact is I heard many more No’s before I heard the first Yes.

Now the requirements have all been met, and my dream cabin is standing tall and strong. By summer’s end I hope to have the interior finished in natural woods, stones and shade-loving plants—a tribute to the paradise right outside.

Many things in my life remain uncertain. But I do know that none of this would have happened without faith, sobriety and commitment as my companions, or the priceless support of people who see much deeper than labels.

Now I'm certain that if we can manage to believe in ourselves, our visions and our dreams enough to follow them wherever they lead, the Universe is always saying YES.

Questioning Punishment : Guest Blog by E.L. Taylor

The use of punishment is so entrenched in our judicial system that most of us never question it. When you commit a crime and are caught, you will be punished for it. Just as when a child commits an offense and is caught, he is punished for it – often without understanding what he has done “wrong.” But understanding is not the goal of punishment. Its intent is to instill the fear of punishment, in hopes that fear will prevent further misdeeds, thus (theoretically) making the perpetrator a better person and making the family or society safer.

It might be a reasonable system, both in families and in societies, if it worked. But countless studies of both children and criminals indicate that it does not work. The punishment of children ultimately does not make them better people. It makes them fearful and angry people. And criminals who are punished are more likely to re-offend, not less.

James O’Dea has witnessed the results of the system of punishment in many places in the world. As former director of Amnesty International, he has spent a lot of time in war zones and torture prisons. In a recent speech (read the full transcript here), Mr. O’Dea said:

To me, having seen so much of human suffering and war and torture in my own life I know that this [punishment system] is one of the most profound mimetic structures human beings need to overcome. If we look at the dysfunctional nature of the punishment system in the United States, and we say to ourselves, “The United States, which has evolved in many ways, its democracy, is less than 5% of the world’s population but it contains one-third of world’s prisoners.” We can hold up a mirror to ourselves and say, “Why is this so?” Why would one third of the entire global prison population be housed in one of the world’s leading democracies? It relates to this concept of punishment, that somehow punishing others will relieve us and correct our situation.

Mr. O’Dea asks, How do we move into a consciousness … that attends to what is important, that moves away from stereotyping and “otherizing” but that finally moves away from the need to punish others?

Not all justice systems (nor all families) are based in punishment. Some Native American tribal traditions, as well as those of other groups, are based on the idea that if one person in a family or a community errs, it is the responsibility of the entire family or community for failing that person in some way. Restorative justice seeks to redress wrongs through reconciliation, restoration, healing and rehabilitation. (Read more about Restorative Justice here).

Maybe the time has come for us to begin to question the practice of punishment – whether incarceration or registration - as a judicial tool, and to look for other answers for creating a better world.

E. L. Taylor


I've wondered what might have happened if I had been able to sit down with a restorative mediator and the two women I offended. We would have had an opportunity to speak to one another directly and courageously, look at what happened as well as what didn’t happen, take responsibility, vent feelings, offer explanations, and show remorse to those who need to see it most. These are elements of healthy resolution - and even the possibility of forgiveness - that the judicial system denies in its punishment-based approach.

Seventeen years after my first offense, encouraged by my recovery program, I tried to make amends to the “victim” through a third party. Her refusal, as it was relayed to me, indicated that her anger is as fresh today as it was the night I tried – inappropriately and drunkenly – to seduce her.

I don’t believe the judicial system’s prescription – vengeance and ongoing punishment – has served either one of us well. There has been no resolution: She is still angry and traumatized, and I am still being punished…for the rest of my life.

An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind. Mahatma Gandhi

Erik Mart

Sex Offender Housing Supports Recovery: Isn’t That What We Want?

Kudos to Avendora of Offender Rights for bravely addressing the Washington State Legislature last week. The public hearing was about House Bill # 1430, which would essentially make it more difficult for registered offenders who have served their sentence to reside together in Washington State.

Avendora cited the situation that occurred in Everett last summer, when a compassionate landlord, knowing that former sex offenders need stable housing, mental health services and jobs in order to recover, ran into strong opposition from the neighborhood, as described in this Seattle Times article.

Avendora presented studies which clearly show, in numerous ways, how former offenders that reside together are much less likely to re-offend, not more likely, as the general public fears. If people truly want greater safety, they’ve got to get beyond this “not in my backyard” mentality and start supporting the healthy recovery of ex-offenders, not the isolation, unemployment, homelessness and hate that only supports re-offense.

Please contact your representatives, Washington residents. Vote No on Bill 1430 for the good of everyone.

Man Who Once Molested Shows His True Color

My dear sister sent me this heartwarming story from the SF Weekly.
Michael Maxfield could have thrown his life away, like so many
offenders do under the hateful stigma. Instead he is spreading joy
and laughter wherever he goes. Makes me wonder how many others
could become heroes with a little help.

Thanks G!

Washington State Sheriffs Make It Easier To Stalk Former Sex Offenders

A disturbing new online human-tracking program has been implemented at my local Sheriff’s office, and throughout Washington State. Offender Watch may sound like your friendly Neighborhood Watch program, complete with block parties and coffee socials. But Offender Watch is not about uniting communities, it’s about dividing them. It’s about spreading fear and encouraging discrimination. And it certainly isn’t about voluntary participation, as those being targeted have not given their consent to be followed.

Here's how the company begins their promo: “Offender Watch is the nation’s leading registered sex offender management and community notification tool, with hundreds of leading agencies in dozens of states utilizing it.”
Just because it’s popular doesn’t make it any less wrong on a moral, legal, or spiritual level. Interning Japanese-Americans in concentration camps during World War II was popular, but that didn’t make it right. Slavery, lynching, and Fascism have all been popular at certain times and places, too.

The promo continues: “Offender Watch provides the most accurate and timely information available, and now this information is available to you!” Having paid for my transgressions many times over already, I’m sure you’ll understand when I don’t stand up and shout “Hurray! I’m a target all over again!”

In my previous post I explained that my Sheriff’s sex offender profile—as limited as it was—was not entirely correct, so I looked up my new Offender Watch profile to see if the bold claims the company makes are true. So, is my new profile accurate? No. Not only is my current location still incorrect, my new Offender Watch profile contains the title of a crime I've never seen before.

As a crime titles go, Sexual Battery has always made me cringe. People usually assume that Sexual Battery means sexually violent—where force was used and injury was done. But this inflammatory term also covers many clearly non-violent transgressions, sometimes no more than an inappropriate touch. Like my conviction for kissing my roommate’s thigh eighteen years ago. On my new Offender Watch profile, Sexual Battery has been replaced with Indecent Liberties. Ironically, the definition of this crime sounds a whole lot closer to the truth. However, neither one of these crimes is the offense for which I was put on the sex offender registry.

Is my new Offender Watch profile timely? No. When the only information presented is an ominous title of a crime that occurred many years ago, how could it be timely? The photograph on my profile is almost six years old. Back then I was still a practicing alcoholic, thirty pounds heavier, jobless, broke and homeless.

Since then I’ve gotten clean and sober. I’ve grown a creative business that I love doing, with loyal and trusting clients throughout the county. The rundown property I once rented as a last resort has since been purchased by me, transformed into a lush garden, and on it I'm now building the cabin of my dreams. Today I have the best relationship I’ve ever had with my own family, and for four years I’ve been involved with a wonderful woman who supports my success in every way.

Although I will always deeply regret the crimes I committed many years ago, those crimes are not who I am – and never were. And in the years since then, with hard work, sobriety, and self-examination, I have actively grown and changed. Today I try to use what I’ve learned from those poor choices to help others avoid making the same mistakes.

Since all this information is available to anyone who cares to investigate, I take exception when Offender Watch says, “the most accurate and timely information available.” In fact, I feel that Offender Watch ought to be honest with their users and responsible by saying, “We only publish information that supports a perception of imminent danger,” no matter how old the offenses are, or what the offenders are doing with their lives. No matter whether an ex-offender is now a father, lawyer, artist, activist, or businessman; no matter whether he climbs mountains or champions the homeless.

Human beings are more than the mistakes they’ve made, and no one on earth can be accurately judged by their mistakes alone. Wouldn’t the public good be better served by putting out information about people’s lives, skills and positive potential, not just their crimes? Shouldn’t the public be given enough information to accurately make its own assessments about the danger, or lack of it, that ex-offenders pose to the community?

Offender Watch warns that sex offenders move frequently. What they don’t say is that this is often due to being harassed, threatened and ostracized as a result of being on the sex offender registry. Nor that by making it easier for people to do these things, there will surely be a lot more forced-offender-moving thanks to their program. Sometimes offenders are moved right off the face of the earth because they are murdered by unstable people who get their addresses from online sources like Offender Watch. Like these two men here. And another two men here.

Oddly enough, Offender Watch admits that only 5% of convicted sex offenders re-offend—less if they have a stable environment. So let’s get this straight: At least 95% of the people targeted by this program pose no threat to the community? Interesting use of tax dollars.

Offender Watch wraps up their promo by encouraging people to sign up for their email-alerts: “Tell your friends and neighbors and be sure to register your home, work, school, gym, day care, park, soccer field, parents or children's homes - any address of interest to you!”
Considering the way Offender Watch "manages" information, I hope all potential users think long and deeply about signing up for anything that requires them to register with this company.

Where Do The Registered Go For Answers?

When you’re on the sex offender registry, getting straight answers from law enforcement—or any government official—can be incredibly difficult. But ever since my re-classification more than six years ago—from having no risk-level at all in Colorado, to having the highest risk-level possible in Washington State—it’s been virtually impossible to get any answers whatsoever.

The fact is that I like the deputy sheriff responsible for managing sex offender-related issues in my area. From the start he recognized how minor my transgressions were on the scale of "sex" crimes. And he told me so—off-the-record. He assured me it wasn’t personal when his department hung my photo on the streets of the community, had it published in the local newspaper and posted on the Internet, knowing full well how much trouble it could cause me. He listened when I told him about being threatened, rejected for work, forced into homelessness and even jailed for failing to secure a job and housing under the monster-level label. When my new female friend asked him if what I had told her about my crimes was truthful, he patiently confirmed my account: No, I had not raped anyone, never molested a child, and had no violence in my history. I was not considered dangerous, he admitted, by him or the sheriff’s department.

Why then had I been classified at the most-dangerous level? The supervisor’s answer was really no answer at all. “I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do. I’m just following the laws.”

In 2004 I sent a letter to the sheriff’s department, formally requesting a copy of my re-classification documents so I could determine exactly what factors were used to justify the “upgrade.” It was the department’s attorney who responded, saying that my risk-level assessment was classified. I have never understood why. What point is there in blocking my access to my own documents?

One of my concerns was about my failure to register. I had discovered some evidence suggesting that (in Washington State) if you are put on the sex offender registry for a misdemeanor crime (which I had been), then a failure to register is supposed to be likewise a misdemeanor offense. But after missing the registration deadline in Washington, I was convicted of a Class C felony.

The Washington State Attorney General only passed the buck: contact your local prosecutor. So I sent a polite letter to the prosecutor’s office asking if my felony conviction had been correct after all in light of what I found. I received no response.

Meanwhile, a letter to a legal aid organization did bring a timely reply: Sorry—we don’t advocate for sex offenders.

In 2005 a vigilante murdered two Level 3 sex offenders in Bellingham, just a two-hour drive from where I live. Police there believed he had a “hit list” of Level 3 offenders collected from the Internet. As the only Level 3 in my county at that time, knowing this psychopath was at large worried me enough to call the supervisor. I wanted to know what his department was doing to protect me from becoming the next victim. The supervisor knew nothing about the situation. No action was (or seemingly would be) taken.

In 2007, a Seattle newspaper reporter discovered that authorities had made false statements on my Denver probation reports from 2001. These erroneous reports had been forwarded to Washington when I was charged with failing to register, and likely contributed to my reclassification – but of course I was still prohibited from seeing the records. Then I learned that Level 3s in Washington State were now subject to GPS monitoring under newly passed laws. So I wrote another letter to the supervisor, asking for clarification on both these issues. Again I got no response. And another year went by.

In 2008, I began building a small house on the property I had purchased. The county building department gave me a new address—different from what had been posted on the sheriff’s website. I had read about a registered man being convicted of failure to register for moving into a guest house with a slightly different address, in spite of it being on the same property. So I decided not to take any chances. This time I left a voice mail for the supervisor, giving him my new address. No acknowledgement came. The incorrect information is still on the website.

In 2008, the K.I.D.S. ACT was signed into law. This requires local law enforcement to create databases with computer identifiers for all registered sex offenders. My new questions were: Do I need to provide this information myself? If so, how long do I have before penalties are imposed? And to whom do I submit it? These are still my questions, for when I saw the supervisor in public recently I asked him why he hadn’t responded to my inquiries. “I’ve been busy.”

It seems to me that when you possess the authority to brand people it comes with certain responsibilities toward those you brand. Carrying a monster’s label is a very serious and dangerous business. It keeps those close to me vulnerable to all kinds of insidious trouble. It bars me from countless aspects of society and restricts my efforts to be a productive member of that society. It keeps me living in cruel and unusual fear.

When the state requires us to follow the ever-increasing body of sex offender laws, getting accurate and timely information becomes critical. So when authorities seem opposed to providing us with any, but we are still held to the edict that “ignorance is no excuse,” it seems we are being set up to fail and fall. Are any authorities willing to provide some honest information about this?

This Sex Offender Expert Looks Deeper Than Most

Too many court-ordered sex-offender treatment programs across the nation are not only failing to help the offenders they treat, but also potential future victims. This is why I was so encouraged to discover the work of Dr. Jay Adams, a former California Department of Corrections staff psychologist, who has worked with sex offenders for more than 25 years. Dr. Adams believes much of the problem lies in the failure to recognize and treat the sex offender's own childhood abuse and trauma.

Being both a survivor of childhood incest and convicted sex offender (my transgressions involved adult women), I found Dr. Adams’ findings particularly relevant to my own experience in sex offender treatment. For two years (1999 – 2001) I participated in a relapse-prevention based treatment program in Colorado where my childhood victimization was dismissed as irrelevant to my treatment. This was incomprehensible to me. But only later did I fully understand that my therapists decided (privately) that my incest disclosure was a fabricated excuse to offend! No effort was made to determine if it was true or not.

Sharing this disturbing information with Dr. Adams, she kindly sent me two more articles describing her findings, and permission to quote them on MonsterMart. One of these MUST-READ articles, Victim Issues Key to Effective Sex Offender Treatment, is in the Trowbridge Foundation link on the sidebar.

Here are a few excerpts from Expanding Our Sex offender Treatment, Dr. Jay Adams Ph.D.

"...It is gratifying to see a rising current in the literature which is finally questioning the long-standing and widespread assumption that our sex offender clients are totally different from every other client population. This assumption has allowed us [the treatment community] to violate a number of our own ethical standards (Glasser, 2003) and to disregard many of the established principles of psychotherapy. One of the unfortunate consequences of the widespread acceptance of Relapse Prevention is that it has fostered a “cook book” approach to sex offender treatment, which may have attracted individuals to the field who lack the qualities necessary for effective clinical practice.”

“…Clinicians who treat sex offenders often experience strong counter-transference reactions when their clients present themselves as victims. This usually takes the form of blaming “the system” for treating them unfairly and/or blaming their victims for causing them to have sex. However inappropriate such blame may be, the feeling of being a victim is real and stems from early childhood experiences. Virtually all the sex offenders I have worked with in the past 25 years have had some history of sexual and/or physical abuse."

"...Validating a client’s feelings about his own abuse does not mean not requiring him to take responsibility for his victimization of others. Such validation does not constitute an “excuse.” It is in fact one of the most important things we can do to encourage him to take responsibility. It doesn’t make much sense to be continually telling our clients how much their behavior harmed their victims while at the same time implying that whatever happened to them in childhood is of no consequence."

GREAT NEWS for survivor/offenders who may have given up hope on this common treatment. Bad News for people who assume sex offenders CHOSE their afflictions, of which there still seem to be many. Many thanks to Dr. Adams! Look for more from her findings in upcoming MonsterMart posts.

Will these two bozos become registered sex offenders?

I know it's ridiculous to suggest that one or both of these drunkos should become registered sex offenders. But police and prosecutors these days are going way beyond reason and rationality in pursuit of "sex criminals." (See my Naked Pumpkin Runners post.)

Here's the report from THE ASSOCIATED PRESS:

MINNEAPOLIS -- While the Hawkeyes were stomping the Gophers on the Metrodome field last weekend, police said two Iowa fans were having a romp of a different kind in a restroom. Both events, police say, had their share of cheering fans.

A 38-year-old woman and a 26-year-old man turned to a handicapped stall for their tryst Saturday evening.

On the field, the Hawkeyes were on their way to 55-0 trouncing of the Gophers. In the restroom, a crowd of intoxicated fans gathered to cheer the off-the-field event.

Eventually, a security guard tipped off University of Minnesota police. Officers had to interrupt the couple to cite them for indecent conduct, a misdemeanor.

Police Chief Greg Hestness said the woman initially gave a false name to officers. She was released to her husband and the man was released to his girlfriend.

Both people in the stall were intoxicated.

Nowadays inappropriate sex in inappropriate places can be regarded as a clear indication of sexual "deviancy." Will this fact serve as a justification for sex offender registration in this case? No matter how absurd that may seem, the fact is they've been charged with misdemeanor crimes involving sex, a very scary situation to be in today. I sure hope they both retain capable, private lawyers.

On Washington’s Most-Wanted for What?

What did John Michael Isley do to become one of Washington's Most Wanted Fugitives? Kidnap a child? Rape someone? Kill someone? Apparently just failing to announce his departure from Washington and arrival in Texas, a horrendous place to be on the sex offender registry. Can we really blame him?

Many years ago, when Isley was a minor, he was convicted of indecent liberties over an incident with his cousin. Here's a report KOMO TV did on his Island County ostracism back in 2003.

And here's the report of the recent "manhunt" for him in Texas from News9

I see no evidence that Isley committed any SEX crimes in the interval. You tell me: Is failure to register a compelling reason to be on a Most-Wanted List? Is this victimless crime a compelling reason for police and the media to incite more public fear over former sex offenders being "on the loose"? It appears that Isley wanted to be near his family, as he was caught visiting relatives. Now I'll bet he is facing ten years in a Texas prison for what seems to be just a desire to be left alone.

Down from the White House: Bush Signs K.I.D.S. Act into Law

From Press Secretary Dana Perino:

On Monday, October 13, 2008, the President signed the following bills into law:

S. 431, the "Keeping the Internet Devoid of Sexual Predators Act of 2008" or the "KIDS Act of 2008," which requires sex offenders to provide Internet identifiers, including e-mail addresses, to State sex offender registries; and tasks the Justice Department to establish and maintain a system that allows social networking websites to compare Internet identifiers of its users with those provided to the National Sex Offender Registry;

Here we go again! Another broadly applied federal law that recognizes no distinction between active pedophiles and all the other kinds of sex offenders there are, former or otherwise. I read a number of articles and editorials from respected sources on why the K.I.D.S. Act was a really bad idea. I just don't understand where Bush gets his information.